I sit in the chair enjoying the stillness of the night,
A gentle breeze blowing through the open doors and windows.
It’s been a good day, and all is well.
A wave hits, and I feel heat from the top of my head to my toes.
I begin to curse middle age — but this isn’t a flash; it’s a wave.
I force a smile and voice aloud that no wave can get me tonight,
It’s been a great day, and nothing can destroy it.
The second wave hits with the force of a Tsunami
Destroying every good memory in it’s path.
If I just go to bed, I know it will be better in the morning,
But my hindquarters are paralyzed and glued to the chair.
My hand sits on the TV remote.
I force my fingers to punch in a “happy” channel,
But my eyes and brain can’t process happy
And I stare blindly at the screen.
Earlier I penned blessings for which I have gratitude.
I try to recall those blessings,
But they were washed away with the wave.
Prayer will help, I think, and I try to pray.
No thoughts or words are formed.
Doubt, fear, and gloom continue to linger.
Paralysis persists, and I can’t move my body.
At long last muscles in my legs begin to twitch
And beg to be moved.
I’m able to stand.
If I can just go to bed, all will be well.
I lay on my pillow, but melancholy hangs in the air,
And sleep is nonexistent.
Words still won’t form a prayer.
Silent tears fall with no emotion.
And finally sleep.