Restrospect

The other day I was doing a little reorganizing, and I ran across something that I wrote on March 1, 2005.  I wrote it for my own eyes only, as it was an assessment of my life at that particular moment.  It was an acknowledgement of the fallacies in my life, a chance to vent about things that were bothering me, a list of goals for my life, and a commitment to go after those goals.

As soon as it was written, I hid it away and never read it again.  It was enough that I had written it.  It was a cleansing act, if you will.  A new day was dawning.  All the dust and grime that was clogging my soul was transferred to that piece of paper, and I was clean once again.

When the writing was discovered the other day, I was hesitant to even read it.  I didn’t remember the specifics of my life at the time I wrote it, but I did remember that I was in a very bad place.  I took a few deep breathes and began reading.

It was remarkable the insight that I had by reading that document.  As I began to remember details of my life at the time, I realized how far I’ve come since then.  When I got to the list of goals, I took another deep breath fearing that I had not even made an attempt to reach them. I was pleasantly surprised at the success that I’ve had with those goals.  There is still work to be done, but I can see that I’m on the right path.

It occurred to me that by not reading it over that long period of time, I could have entirely missed the mark.  Then I realized that I didn’t need to reread them.  I had truly committed myself by writing them down, and just the very act of writing them down had embedded them in my soul.

Just about a year ago, my life dramatically changed.  It was a very difficult period for me–maybe even the most difficult period of my life to date.  I came out unscathed for two reasons: 1) I have some wonderful people in my life who gave me constant unwavering support, and 2) I kept my commitment to those goals I had written down so very long ago–without even remembering that I had written them down.

It was good to find that document, look back, and discover that I have progressed.  I’m not at the finish line, but I’m making it over the hurdles with the goal in sight.  I’m grateful that no matter how badly we mess things up, we can set goals and do better tomorrow.

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